Every time I walk through a crowd of people I wonder how they feel, what life they’re living, if they have any problems like normal people do or if they live a Disney family type of life. I’m so curious to know about the lives of others only because no one would believe me if told them what I go through in mines. I sometimes wonder if I’m cursed…
My name is Blossom Roman, I’m a 24-year-old female born in 1994 and raised in the Bronx, New York City. I’ve never really traveled anywhere outside of my country and haven’t really thought about it. I have one child, he’s a seven year old autistic boy, he’s amazing and his name is Mason. He has created a purpose in my life. My mind set is a little corrupted than most, I’ve been through so much growing up I don’t believe in karma, but yes I do believe in luck. I believe I’ve the worse luck out of a lot of people. What I’m trying to tell you is that I am not the brightest in the bunch, that’s for sure!
I live on my own since my mother kicked me out, when I was 14. We always bumped heads and argued till ends meets. She was a schizophrenic and had bipolar disorder, it was hard for me to live with her any longer. I felt as if she would let our her anger and frustrations on me all the time. She had pleasure when she insulted me and would grin as she glazed upon my frowns. I couldn’t bear the mental abuse any longer.
***
Year, 2006: As I walked through the door from school, it is now didn’t see my mom in the living room, it was her stupid delinquent boyfriend. I couldn’t stand him! I asked him “hey where is my mom?”. He says “she’s sleeping let her rest”. I can smell alcohol, of course he is drinking. I roll my eyes and try to enter my room, he comes out of nowhere and grabs my room door and forces us both in and closes the door. He tells me “you’ve been dressing like a whore lately, what’re you trying to do? Tease me?”. I glared at him with fear in my eyes and feel sort of a shock within my body, I froze, not a word, breathe, movement, came out me. I was a deer in headlights…
The next day I was terrified, I went to school and didn’t want to come home. I told my school counselor what had happened because I trusted her. I needed to tell someone, anyone. I thought she wouldn’t call the cops because I begged her not to. I stood in after school but procrastinated until it was over. When I was walking home, I saw the cops in front of my home and my moms boyfriend in handcuffs, you my mother right behind him with tears in her eyes and then she sees me and starts to scream “YOU NASTY LYING LITTLE BITCH! Tell them you were lying! Tell them! No one wants your little ass, you want all my men but can’t have them you whore!”. I was in shock and completely heartbroken, I didn’t know how to feel, so I ran away.
***
Me and my boyfriend Joel finally got our own place, I’ve never felt so happy and relieved to have a place to call my own. My main goal and purpose in life is to give the best life I can give for my son. He is my everything, I finally was able to give him his own home. felt like I actually had luck come my way after all these years, it all feels so foreign, but truly amazing.
As I laid on my own bed, with my son beside me, and my Joel in the other side I started to stare at the ceiling and start to pray. Dear heavenly father, I give you thanks for waking me up on this glorious day, I thank you for protection, not only for myself, but for my loved ones as well, I give thanks for health, strength, grace, forgiveness, peace and joy, for loving me unconditionally and never giving up on me. Amen.”.
I turn to glare upon my sons precious face sleeping and I all of a sudden I felt this sharp pain in my chest. LORD!! Was it excruciating! I collapsed on the floor and curled up in a fetal position holding onto my chest tight. I couldn’t bear the pain, it lasted for a good 5 minutes. My son work up from his sleep and started yelling and crying “mommy!! What’s wrong, please get up!” I said “papa, its ok, please don’t cry this is nothing mommy just had a little pain, so calm down!” jeez that was horrible, what could that have been? Let me just ignore it, I don’t want to scare Mason again.
A week went by and I started feeling weak. I would always speed walk and race up a hill but for some reason I couldn’t walk anymore without feeling like I’m going to pass out. I knew something was wrong, but I ignored it.
Days went by my face and eyes became swollen, then it spread to my legs, I couldn’t eat anything or move. These new pains started occurring through my legs and arms. I’ve never felt anything like it, but they became constant like they weren’t going anywhere, they became a part of my daily routine. Then all of sudden my stomach started to grow rapidly, I knew I wasn’t pregnant, I couldn’t be, I had birth control. I then became frightened and that’s when I knew I had to make an appointment to go see my doctor.
It was the next day, I then arrived to my primary care facility I took my vitals and realized there was a concerned look on the nurses faces as they took my blood pressure, they kept asking to re-take it, which was odd. When I finally saw my doctor, Dr.Mehta, he looked at me with a worrisome expression too, and then he said
“Ms. Roman you need to go to the emergency room and be admitted. Your high blood pressure is horrible and your potassium and iron levels are lower than half of what they’re supposed to be. How did you even get here?”
I said “well I don’t know I walked here, but you want me to go to the emergency room I’ll go right now.” He said “good! There are also protein in your urine, I’m very concerned for your health Ms. Roman, I’ll keep track on your charts if you don’t mind”, I said “Thank you doctor”.
As I walked away I just thought of course there is something wrong with me, right when I thought my life was coming together.
When I got to the emergency room, I went through the whole vital process again and getting the same reactions I got from the nurses where my primary care doctor was at. When the tests came back a special doctor, a rheumatologist, came to see me and tell me the results. Her name was Dr.Sanderson, Sanderson said “Hello Ms. Roman, I am sorry to tell you, but you are pregnant” I shouted “Whaaaaaaattttttt!?” I was devastated, as tears started to burst from my eyes. She then said “well the IUD and all birth controls are 99.09% accurate so you happen to be that 0.01% who managed to get pregnant.” I just thought, of course I’m that 0.01%, just my luck, this is happening to Blossom, yup, of course, I shouldn’t even be surprised. Sanderson then said “well that’s not all you also have, you also have Systemic Lupus Erythematosus (SLE), your immune system is attacking your primary organs yours is attacking your kidneys. This explains why there are protein in your urine and your eyes, face and body is swollen. We’re going to admit you asap and put you on pills. We’re going to work on this fast before it’s too late.” “I am so damn confused!” and why the hell did she say “before it’s too late” what did she mean by that, I honestly didn’t I couldn’t honestly believe what I was hearing, like wait hold up, this is too much for me to process right now, what the hell is lupus again!? And why the fuck is my immune system such a dumbass it’s attacking its own habitat instead of the viruses invading it!’t even want to ask her.
I finally got to my hospital bed and thank god I got my own room, I felt blessed until they told me no children were allowed since I’m in quarantine. They’ve isolated me since my autoimmune disease can be life threatening if I get sick with anything. The only people I wanted to see were Joel and my son Mason. They told me I was currently 5 in half months pregnant. I couldn’t believe I didn’t notice, I felt as if I was so skinny, I only weighed 135lbs.
***
I am now 8 months pregnant and I have not eaten for almost two months. I’m drugged up and starting to feel like I’m dying. The doctors are concerned about me that’s why they’ve kept me in the hospital, just to monitor me and my pregnancy process. For some reason everything they tried haven’t worked and I’m getting worse day by day. They say the baby is growing healthy in my belly but I don’t know how that’s possible if I haven’t eaten in two months. I can at least consider that luck, right? Sanderson comes and visits me weekly after my admission and checks on me. I’ve actually grown fond of her. I haven’t seen my kids since the day i came in here. Joel comes and visits me weekly, sometimes more than twice a week, he even sneaks Mason to see me on his visits because he misses me. I’m grateful for the loving father of my son and now kids.
***
I am now 9 months and 2 days, finally, the time has come! I am giving birth and they tell me they’re going to conduct an emergency C-section. I’m scared, nervous, maybe a bit sad as well. Then when I face the door I see Joel standing there smiling of excitement, he was trying to catch his breath as well, it looked like he ran here. I was beyond happy and relieved just to see and feel his presence there to help me through this process. He held onto my hand and said “babe, everything will be alright, don’t you worry, I’m here for you and Mason is fine, he misses you, I miss you!” he started to sob, but tried his best to hold back his tears. “I don’t want to see you like this, I want you to be alright, you will be alright, Ok, just promise me we’ll make it out of here together with our new baby, shit we don’t even know if he or she is a boy or girl but I feel deep down in my heart we have another princess” we both just stared into each other’s eyes and started to smile, my contractions were getting worse and we were finally on our way to get the surgery for the C-section.
After they put me under the anesthesia, everything went black. I don’t remember anything. I wake up in an all-white room, It was like something straight out of a movie. I’m wearing nothing but a white blouse, I’m not pregnant or swollen anymore, my hair is long, thick and black. What’s going on, am I dreaming? I don’t know where I am but I can’t be dreaming this feels all too real. I then see a door at a far distance so I start to walk towards it, but the more I walked the farther the door became, I suddenly give up and just sit on the floor staring at this door. Its purple. That’s all I can see from the distance and I begin to wonder, am I dead, is this supposed to be heaven or hell. This can’t be real? Why can’t I wake up? Maybe if I fall asleep I’ll wake up back in the hospital. I then laid on the white cold floor and forced myself to sleep. When I wake up I’m no longer in the white room but in a forest.
Now I know I have bad luck but what in hell is this shit. Like how am I supposed to explain this to anyone. I then all of a sudden hear a voice, it creeped the fuck out of me so I just started running away from it, I don’t even know where I’m at but I watched the movie “Backcountry” and just so you know bears can be anywhere in a forest ready to maul your life away. There’s no way I want to go out like that. I hear the voice again, and I started to run faster, I then ran so fast I stumbled into a ditch and passed out. I wake up again and I’m still in this forest, I just had so many questions but was like, if this is my fate, dream, life, then oh well, I’m just going to have to face it. As I look up i see a woman in a cloak staring at me, she was beautiful. She had silky black curls that shined as the moon reflected on them, her skin had such dark rich skin, her eyes shined a beautiful hazel color, she was so perfect, I was like why the fuck is this weird pretty lady staring at me in the forest. Now I know I didn’t do any drugs other the anesthesia, unless when they gave me that in the hospital I probably bugged out and ran into a forest or something, I don’t know but there’s no other reasonable explanation.
The lady says to me “my name is Heaven, you’re not dreaming” I’m still speechless “I’m your guardian angel, I’m here to offer you something that’ll change your life forever so listen to me.” At this point I know I’m dreaming, ain’t no way in hell I teleported in a forest from the hospital. She then says “My job is to make your life easier, now let me give you an offer, your new baby girl is healthy and on this planet now, what will you name her?” I then say without hesitation “I will name her Violet”. She then replies “I will cure you and all your problems and you’ll never have to worry about your health ever again. You have not met this baby yet, she is an accident, she wasn’t meant to be in your life and all she caused you was burdens, I can take her from you and cure you forever”. I looked at this bitch and said “Who the fuck are you, because you sure as hell aint no damn guardian angel, more like a poltergeist” her face then became dark, I couldn’t see it anymore as she backed herself into the shadows, I now became frightened once again.
She starts to say something from afar, her voice got deeper, she sounded demonic, “if you won’t give me her soul, then I shall take yours!” She starts to run towards me and she is no longer beautiful, her skin became pale as snow and her eyes were all white, her teeth look like those from a shark and she had no nose, she looked a little like Voldemort from “Harry Potter”. I started to scream and fight her off, I was punching her in the face as she was on top of me and she grabbed my arms, her hands were so hot they started to burn my skin. She then knocked me out.
***
I wake up again and I’m no longer in the forest or white room, I am back in the hospital thank god! I’m so happy and relieved, I thought i was in a never ending nightmare. I looked to my left and see my precious boyfriend holding our little baby girl, he asks me “what do you want to name her”, I said “let’s name her Violet, our little precious flower”, he smiled and said “that’s perfect, our little Violet, we’ll love and protect her forever. I love you babe, you’re so strong. You don’t know how relieved I am to see you awake. After the C-section the doctors said your heart stopped for a minute, but they used the cardiac defibrillator and brought you back” He then starts to cry “damn babe I know I cry a lot but I’m so happy to see you here with me again, we can still be a whole, a family!”. Joel starts to hug me, but now I’m in shock, did I really die? What was that dream about, was I hallucinating or was I in hell or something, I look down and look at my arms, Joel shouts “Oh my god! What happened to your arms!? Who grabbed you!?” I started to scream. My hands start to shake as I stare at my arms. They’re the burns from when that lady in the forest. I can’t believe what my eyes are seeing my arms have burnt hand marks on them, I become terrified. I look at Joel and then I look over at Violet and I see that woman, Heaven, standing over her staring at her, she then looks at me and smiles. I say “Joel, Joel! Who is that standing by Violet”, he looks over and says “Who babe, there’s no one there”. She’s staring right at me, smiling, as if she’s mocking me. I then yell “as long as I’m alive, you’ll never have my baby bitch!”. Joel looks at me confused and says “you good babe? Its ok you’re on a lot of drugs. When you get home you’ll be better.” I told him “you’re right babe, I hope so” I look over at Violet again and the lady vanished.
A couple of months later Violet is now 6 months and I’m finally home. I started chemotherapy to maintain my illness and my pain is excruciating still since now I have fibromyalgia, but I feel less weak than I did before. I’m adapting to this new lifestyle with medication and maintaining my health. I sometimes run into that woman Heaven, instead of being my guardian angel she has become my annoying poltergeist who likes to stalk and harass me. I don’t care much of her, but I now see things I didn’t before, people are dead, no longer living on this planet but spirits still walk on it. Its weird, I don’t think anyone would believe me if I told them about me and what happened the day I gave birth.
